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Sputnik in orbit 10/4/1957
The Soviet Union today launched Sputnik, the first satellite ever to enter Earth orbit. This is a great breakthrough. Wi... |  |
Space dog Laika 11/3/1957
A bitch named Laika today became the first dog in space. Although she will not survive the trip her name will live on as... | |
Soviets put man in space 4/12/1961
Yuri Gagarin is the first man in space. He is currently orbiting the Earth after a successful launch into space. His fli... | |
Apollo 11 landing 7/20/1969
History was made today when the Apollo 11 lander touched down on the moon and astronaut Neil Armstrong stepped out on th... |  |
Establishment of first permanent outpost on the Moon. 12/8/1973
The construction crew and the first inhabitants of the new permanent lunar outpost arrived on the Moon today. This marks... | |
Bordello opens on the Moon 2/24/1978
The first independent business opened on the Moon today. What kind of business? You guessed it! A brothel of course! The... | |
Tourist complex opens on the moon 3/1/1979
A hotel catering to tourists from the Earth has opened on the moon. The hotel was built by Moon Pimp who last year opene... | |
Soviet Mars lander crashes killing 70 3/12/1979
The lander of what was to be the first colonizing mission to Mars by the Soviet mission Krasnyy Mars Drakon 1 crashed in... |  |
American Mars lander explodes on descent killing 22 3/26/1979
The first American attempt to land on Mars and set up a permanent outpost ended in disaster this morning as the lander c... | |
Soviets first on Mars with humans 2/9/1980
Krasnyy Mars Drakon 2 lands. First successful human landing on Mars and establishment of permanent outpost on Mars. The ... | |
First Americans land on Mars 9/15/1980
After being beat to Mars by several Soviet crews, the Americans today finally made a successful landing on the red plane... | |
Moon Pimp first space millionaire 3/6/1981
The young entrepreneur known as Moon Pimp this week became the first space based millionaire. His moon bordello and his ... | |
Moon hotel named after impossible position 4/23/1982
The moon hotel opened by Moon Pimp 3 years ago has been officially renamed ''Hotel Skull Crusher''. The hotel has been c... | |
Soviets announce new psychos only policy for Mars 2/23/1983
Life on Mars is very dangerous, and it is very common for people to stop functioning psychologically when their loved on... | |
First landing and establishment of mining base on Ceres 3/8/1983
A joint mission by several mining companies today landed a on Ceres to begin the construction of an asteroid mining hub.... |  |
Mars psycho policy shows effects 4/2/1984
The violent crime rate has skyrocketed in Brezhnevgrad, the Soviet Mars colony since the introduction of the psychos onl... | |
Disco lives on Mars 5/17/1984
Disco may have been dead on Earth for a while, but in Brezhnevgrad, Mars it's the hottest thing. New discotheques are po... | |
Zimbabwe dictator Robert Mugabe exiles niece to Mars 2/22/1985
Infamous dictator Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe has reportedly sent his niece Sibongile Mugabe into exile on Mars by enrolli... |  |
Martians support psycho policy 2/28/1985
Martians took to the streets yesterday to protest a suggested cancellation of the so called psychos only policy. The pol... | |
Syphilis outbreak on Mars 9/22/1985
Syphilis, long forgotten and thought to be a disease of the past has broken out on Mars. Dozens of cases have been repor... | |
Sibongile Mugabe patient zero in syphilis outbreak 9/25/1985
Mars authorities now say they have identified patient zero in the recent syphilis outbreak on Mars as Sibongile Mugabe. ... | |
Sibongile Mugabe dictator of Mars 11/15/1985
Sibongile Mugabe also known under her disco artist name Marsalina Valentina is now the dictator president of the newly f... | |
Zaporozhets automobile factory to be built on Mars 2/26/1986
In a joint venture between Zaporozhets Automobiles of the Soviet Union and Martian Automobiles Corporation Zaporozhets a... |  |
First Martian car roll-off turns into blood bath 3/18/1987
The first car rolled off the assembly line at the Zaporozhets Automobile Factory of Mars today with great fanfare. Presi... | |
Dictator of Mars quits disco 3/4/1988
Sibongile Mugabe, also known as disco queen Marsalina Valentina announced today with a very heavy heart that she will re... | |
Plans announced for Moon highway 4/30/1989
Plans for a new lunar highway were announced today connecting the two main lunar bases with what will initially be a sin... | |
First landing and establishment of outpost on Callisto 11/29/1990
Callisto today became the furthest outpost of human civilization after a successful landing by Space Mining Inc. The cre... |  |
Revolution on Callisto 3/2/1991
Callistans revolted against their leader this morning and took charge of the small colony. Captain Franco who has been i... | |
Captain Franco escapes 3/7/1991
Captain Franco has escaped from his revolutionary captors and is believed to be hiding somewhere on the Callistan base. ... | |
Captain Franco seizes power on Callisto 3/9/1991
Captain Franco who escaped from his mutineer captors just two days ago has now with the help of an army of loyalists tak... | |
Syphilis pandemic ravages Mars 4/16/1991
Martian health authorities have upgraded the syphilis outbreak on the planet to an official pandemic. 12% of the populat... | |
Captain Franco of Callisto injured in assassination attempt 7/1/1991
Captain Franco who has been fighting a rebellion on Callisto for the last several months was injured in a bomb blast tod... | |
Ganymede landing ends in deadly violence. 9/21/1991
The first human landing on Ganymede ended in chaos today as two senior crew members started fighting about who would be ... |  |
Accident kills 14 miners 3/11/1992
Fourteen Ganymede miners were killed yesterday when the vehicle they were traveling in from their base to one of the min... | |
First Europa landing 8/12/1993
The conquest of the Jovian moons continued today with the first successful landing on Europa. The landing almost ended i... |  |
Successful landing on Io 8/9/1994
This morning's landing on Io by a crew of miners is a major milestone in space colonization. All the major moons of Jupi... |  |
Mysterious penile explosions rock Mars 8/17/1994
A mysterious wave of penile explosions is sweeping across the cities of Mars with alarming results. For some reason men'... | |
Lunatic declares himself king of Io 9/11/1994
An insane member of the first crew to land on Io last month has now declared himself king of Io. The rest of the crew, a... | |
Martian penile explosions remain a mystery 9/20/1994
The investigation into the gruesome wave of penile explosions that killed hundreds of Martians last month has been concl... | |
Demonstration turns violent on Europa 3/10/1995
What started out as a peaceful protest today in the Europa 1 base of Europa turned into a violent clash between demonstr... | |
Mercury landing ends in near disaster 2/20/1997
Last night's first human landing on Mercury's north pole almost ended in disaster when a fire broke out on board the lan... |  |
King of Io moves into royal palace 2/27/1999
King Bob I of Io has moved into his new palace. This is the first ever palace built on a world other than the Earth. In ... | |
Enceladus landing 10/1/2001
The first Saturn moon to be settled by humans is now officially Enceladus. 132 people landed on Enceladus today. The fir... |  |
Lander crashes on Europa killing all 387 on board 3/3/2002
A lander carrying 387 people crashed during landing on Europa this morning. All 387 on board died in the tragedy. The cr... | |
Titan receives first human settlers 6/1/2002
A 242 man crew landed on Titan earlier today to make preparations for what will become the largest mining base in the so... |  |
Murder during first Lapetus landing 9/6/2002
A team of 127 people entered a lander to Lapetus today, but only 126 made it to the surface alive. Upon landing it was d... |  |
Titan colony battles stench 3/23/2003
The recently established mining base on Titan is having major problems with methane stench. The gas is a main component ... | |
Rhea settled 5/27/2003
The last of the large Saturn moons was settled today when a lander with 79 people on board touched down on Rhea. Constru... |  |
Ice harvesters fall through ice on Enceladus 3/13/2004
An ice harvesting team of 12 people are feared dead as their vehicle fell into a crack in the Enceladus ice yesterday an... | |
Baseless arrests on Europa 6/9/2004
A requirement of the newly formed Europa Police Department is that they must arrest at least 10 people per day to mainta... | |
King Bob of Io marries 7/15/2007
His royal highness King Bob I of Io today married all 16 women on Io in a lavish ceremony. The women will from now on be... | |
King Bob's harem violated by false eunuch 3/14/2008
One of the eunuchs guarding King Bob's harem in the Io royal palace turned out not to be a eunuch at all and has been sl... | |
Enceladus water goes on sale on Earth 4/19/2009
Water imported from Enceladus went on sale worldwide last week priced at around USD 250 per half liter (17 oz) bottle. E... | |
Landing on Titania of Uranus 2/25/2014
Uranus moon Titania was finally settled today after long delays. There are now 174 people on Titania already hard at wor... |  |
King of Io in critical condition 3/5/2014
King Bob I of Io is in critical condition at Bob City Hospital of Bob City, Io after having jumped from the city ceiling... | |
Gladiator fights banned on Rhea 3/15/2014
The Rhea parliament passed a law today banning the popular gladiator battles that are so popular on Rhea. The spectacles... | |
King of Io out of coma 3/19/2014
His royal highness King Bob I of Io awakened from his coma today after having fallen from the city ceiling two weeks ago... | |
First successful Oberon Landing 6/14/2014
Oberon became the latest world settled by the human race today when a lander carrying 54 touched down on the Oberonian s... |  |
All Oberonian settlers dead 4/7/2015
The unknown disease that has plagued the first, and so far only Oberonian mission, has now killed all of the people on t... | |
King Bob to construct pyramid 10/4/2018
Insane lunatic King Bob I of Io has announced plans to construct a giant pyramid to serve as his tomb when he dies. It w... | |
Asteroid miners robbed by lady pirate 1/1/2019
A group of miners stationed on a small asteroid were interrupted during their new years celebration last night by a youn... |  |
Construction begins on giant ship to mine dwarf planets 2/22/2019
Construction started today on the Naruemonia, the largest spaceship to date. The ship will be assembled in orbit around ... |  |
Pirate lady strikes again 4/15/2019
The young lady pirate known as Yonsalad struck again today against an asteroid mining team not far from where she robbed... | |
Asteroid miners robbed again 1/1/2020
You may remember the mining team that was robbed last new years eve by a sexy lady pirate. Well she struck again last ni... | |
Yonsalad outsmarts miners and cops 1/1/2021
After sexy space pirate lady Yonsalad had robbed a group of miners two new years eve's in a row and promised to come bac... | |
Asteroid miners robbed for the fourth time 1/1/2022
The asteroid miners who were robbed 3 new years eves in a row by Yonsalad were robbed a 4th time yesterday. She pulled u... | |
Settlement of Triton 1/7/2022
Mining operation will soon be underway on Triton as a lander with 184 people on board landed safely on Triton this after... |  |
Eight year old Martian arsonist arrested in Uruguay 2/8/2022
An 8 year old Martian citizen was arrested today in Montevideo, Uruguay on charges of arson. Montevideo fire fighters an... |  |
Martian arsonist child is daughter of Martian official 2/9/2022
A new twist has emerged in the case of the 8 year old Martian arsonist arrested yesterday in Montevideo, Uruguay. Police... | |
Police ship assigned to capture Yonsalad 2/9/2022
The SBI has assigned a ship for the specific purpose of patrolling the area of the asteroid belt where Yonsalad is activ... | |
Martian arsonist child cracks under torture 2/10/2022
The 8 year old Martian arsonist arrested in Montevideo, Uruguay 2 days ago has finally succumbed to police torture and r... | |
Yonsalad steals police ship 2/11/2022
The police ship that was assigned to capture Yonsalad just 2 days ago was today stolen by Yonsalad from a Ceres police s... | |
Accomplice of Martian arsonist girl arrested 2/11/2022
Nine year old Florina Munduwalawala of Montevideo was arrested today on arson charges. She was immediately released due ... | |
Riots rock Callisto 2/12/2022
Authorities on Callisto today issued a state of emergency due to the recent riots. Callisto has been rocked by several r... | |
Martian fire kills at least 500 2/13/2022
A fire in the small Martian crater city of Koszeg killed most of its inhabitants today. The exact death toll is not yet ... | |
Largest spaceship ever built takes off to mine dwarf planets. 2/14/2022
The Naruemonia, the largest spaceship ever constructed left the Earth's Moon's orbit today where it has been assembled i... |  |
Mutiny on the Naruemonia 2/15/2022
Just two days into its maiden voyage a mutiny has taken place on the Naruemonia. It appears the passenger list includes ... |  |
Naruemonia mutineers headed for Haumea 2/16/2022
Space police say the hijacked spaceship Naruemonia is most likely headed for Haumea. A recent course adjustment by the m... |  |
Man walks 24 km on sunny side of Mercury 2/17/2022
Daredevil Julio Axolotlos collapsed today after walking 24 kilometers on the sunny side out of the north pole crater whe... | |
Moon honeymoon tourism is booming 2/18/2022
The moon has given a whole new meaning to the term Honeymoon. A record number of newlyweds chose the Moon for their hone... | |
Twenty miners feared lost in space 2/19/2022
A group of twenty miners working on a small asteroid floated off into space yesterday when their anchoring system failed... |  |
Yonsalad rescues lost miners 2/20/2022
The infamous wanted space pirate Yonsalad today found the 20 miners who drifted off into space yesterday and rescued the... | |
Secret colony found on Pluto 2/20/2022
A secret colony has been found on Pluto. An unmanned surveillance craft gathering data for future Pluto colonization has... |  |
New visa restrictions for Martians visiting Earth 2/20/2022
Starting the first of next month Martians planning to visit Earth must undergo and pass a psychological screening to obt... | |
Moon pimp arrested for murder 2/21/2022
The owner of a popular moon bordello was arrested today after killing a customer after an argument that turned violent. ... | |
Moon Pimp released 2/22/2022
The owner of the Moon bordello arrested yesterday for beating a disrespectful customer to death was released from jail t... | |
Mercury walker dies 2/23/2022
Just a few days after Julio Axolotlos' record breaking Mercury walk his record of 24 kilometers has been shattered by hi... | |
New Zaporozhets this fall on Mars 2/23/2022
35 years after the first Zaporozhets rolled off the Martian Zaporozhets factory resulting in the famous Zaporozhets bloo... | |
King Bob I of Io renames Io Bob 2/24/2022
King Bob I of Io has now officially renamed the Jovian moon Io which he rules after himself. The rest of human civilizat... | |
Martian disco queen to release new album 2/24/2022
Sibongile Mugabe who served as dictator president of Mars for many years, or Marsalina Valentina as she's known in the M... | |
Martian penile explosions are back 2/24/2022
In 1994 Mars was shocked by a deadly wave of penile explosions. Hundreds of men suffered deadly penile explosions during... | |
Mysterious Pluto base belongs to Argentina 2/24/2022
The mysterious Pluto military base found on Pluto a few days ago belongs to Argentina say mission control of the remote ... | |
Yonsalad strikes again 2/24/2022
Yonsalad robbed a mining base on Ceres this morning just after most of the miners had left for work. At gunpoint she loc... | |
Yonsalad most wanted person in the solar system 2/25/2022
Enough is enough say authorities. Yonsalad, infamous space pirate, must be stopped at all cost. She will now be upgraded... | |
Widow of man killed by Moon Pimp plans to sue 2/26/2022
The widow of the man killed by Moon Pimp last week says she is talking to a lawyer about filing a wrongful death suit ag... | |
Syphilis outbreak on Lapetus 2/27/2022
A recent syphilis outbreak on the Saturn moon of Lapetus has been traced back to a prostitute from Mars who arrived on L... | |
King Bob of Io jails opponents of renaming Io. 2/27/2022
King Bob of Io has imprisoned a number of people who have continued to call Io Io instead of its new legal name Bob. Kin... | |
Yonsalad announces retirement 2/27/2022
Infamous space pirate Yonsalad who was recently made the target of a joint military operation with the goal of her elimi... | |
More deadly penile explosions on Mars 2/27/2022
Since we reported on a new wave of penile explosions on Mars a few days ago there have been several more cases. Health a... | |
Governor of Titania found dead 2/27/2022
The Governor of Titania was found dead this morning. Police have ruled the death a suicide and have dismissed any reques... | |
Pluto base is Uruguayan, not Argentine 2/27/2022
The mysterious military base on Pluto that was identified as Argentine a few days ago is in fact Uruguayan. The national... | |
President of Uruguay speaks out on Pluto military base 2/27/2022
The President of Uruguay in a live TV address today explained that he did indeed authorized the secret military base on ... | |
Moon Pimp bans Uruguayans in response to Pluto base 2/27/2022
Moon Pimp has said he will not wait for the UN sanctions to take effect. Effective immediately Uruguayan citizens are no... | |
More secret bases found on Pluto and Charon 2/27/2022
The unmanned craft orbiting Pluto that found the secret Uruguayan military base on Pluto last week has now found two mor... | |
Yonsalad makes a run for it 2/28/2022
Interplanetarily wanted criminal Yonsalad today sent a message to the press that she is now leaving her secret base in t... | |
Argentina and Uruguay have colonized Pluto 2/28/2022
The presidents of Argentina and Uruguay held a joint press conference today where they publically disclosed the existenc... | |
Uninhabited dwarf planets to be surveyed for secret colonies 3/1/2022
The Uruguay-Argentina Pluto crisis has prompted the Interplanetary council to launch immediate probes to several dwarf p... | |
Pluto militarized bases raise concerns over space peace 3/1/2022
The complex of military bases built by Argentina and Uruguay on Pluto and Charon raises concerns about whether the solar... | |
Moon Pimp blamed for another customer's death 3/2/2022
Moon Pimp who has been in recent legal trouble over the death of a customer of his bordello is now facing more death acc... | |
Unknown colony detected on Makemake 3/2/2022
After the recent discovery of secret Uruguayan and Argentine colonies on Pluto and Charon the smallest worlds in our sol... | |
Ganymede on high alert after series of structural failures 3/3/2022
A number of roof collapses have occurred the last few weeks on Ganymede that seem to be caused on purpose by an unknown ... |  |
Source of mysterious penile explosions on Mars found 3/4/2022
The source of the latest wave of deadly penile explosions that have killed several hundred Martians recently has been de... | |
Triton productivity experiment shows good results 3/5/2022
It's only been two months since the first humans landed on Triton, but by the look of it you would think they'd been the... | |
Uruguay-Argentina Pluto alliance coming apart? 3/6/2022
The joint colonization of Pluto and Charon by Uruguay and Argentina, born out of an alliance that until just a few days ... | |
Communist terrorists strike again on Ganymede 3/7/2022
Another terrorist attack on Ganymede this morning claimed the lives of 15 innocent people as a bomb exploded in a busy s... | |
Zaporozhets to remain unchanged 3/8/2022
After big protests against the plans to update the Zaporozhets ZAZ 968 that has been produced in its Martian version on ... | |
Violence reported from Pluto bases 3/9/2022
Several incidences of physically violent fights between Uruguayos and Argentinos were reported today from several of the... | |
Argentina threatens Uruguay with nuclear war 3/10/2022
An official statement from the pink house released this morning threatens Uruguay with war on Earth unless they stop vio... | |
Lapetus imposes quarantine to stop syphilis outbreak 3/11/2022
Lapetus authorities have issued a global quarantine order effective immediately to stop the recent syphilis outbreak. It... | |
Mars psycho murders 3/15/2022
Murders have been commonplace on Mars for decades, but some Earth governments are now saying enough and are pushing for ... | |
Uruguay takes control of Charon 3/22/2022
Uruguay has now taken control of both bases on Charon in effect giving them control over all human civilization of that ... | |
Martian psycho rights leader killed by psycho 3/25/2022
Oleg Popov, leader of the Martian Association of the Acceptance of the Medically Psychotic, or MAAMP was killed today in... | |
Governor of Ganymede kidnapped by communist rebels 3/29/2022
Earlier today a group of heavily armed communist rebels stormed the Ganymede capitol building and abducted the governor ... | |
Uruguayans furious over Argentine killing of Pluto capybara. 3/31/2022
Last night drunk celebrating Argentines on one of the Pluto bases controlled by Argentina killed and ate a pet capybara ... | |
Governor of Ganymede escapes from kidnappers 4/6/2022
The governor of Ganymede who was kidnapped last week and tortured by communist rebels showed up today at the governor's ... | |
Titans offered surgery to remove sense of smell 4/16/2022
The Titan government has offered a new solution to the Titan stench problem. All residents of Titan will be offered free... | |
Gladiator fights back on Rhea 5/7/2022
It's been 8 years since the Rhea parliament banned the popular gladiator fights where combatants battle unarmed to the d... | |
Nuclear Weapons on Oberon 6/24/2022
The government of Oberon today announced they have successfully tested a nuclear bomb. By the end of the year they will ... | |
